He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
