She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
