dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to make out with him forever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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