Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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