Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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