I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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