Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Randomize
