Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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