I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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