i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize