I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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