so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just made my gag reflex go away.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
