And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
