u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
