Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
