She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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