like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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