On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize