Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
