I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
