dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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