Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
