I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize