Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
