i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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