Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
