I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
