meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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