I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
