Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
