yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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