Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
