Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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