so that wasnt chicken after all
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize