if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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