i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
