lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
