Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
