That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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