Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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