Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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