Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
