he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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