ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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