Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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