I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
