When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
