she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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