So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
