you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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