He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize