He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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