When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
