if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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