So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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