There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
