sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
