how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
