where am i from again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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