i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
