I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize