so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
