8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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