my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
